Divorce- the ending of a marriage by legal process- seems simple enough until other words start to be attached or substituted. For example “I’m divorcing my wife/husband.” Or “My wife/husband divorced me.” As you can see these statements imply an action taken against another and as a result this leads to the perception of winners and losers.
In real life there are no winners or losers, divorce by definition is the ending of something, in this case a marriage. No doubt a marriage which was entered into by two people, with dreams and expectations of a successful outcome. But the reasons for divorce is not a scorecard to see who is suffering the greatest effects of divorce.
Let’s look at some words that are best avoided if both parties are to move on in their lives.
You may be the party who asked for a divorce or you may be the party to whom divorce happened, whichever the case no one won and no one lost. It is unhealthy to describe either party as winner or loser as this was not a competition it was a marriage. Remember you are now single and able to move forward in your life. Learn from the experience but leave the baggage behind.
It is hurtful to accept that someone you thought you were in a loving relationship with decides that it’s over. There is nothing you can do about this we cannot make someone experience an emotion they do not feel. You haven’t been rejected the relationship has. You are still a person worthy of love and being loved.
You haven’t been left alone or abandoned. You’ve been given an unplanned opportunity to reassess your life. Grab it with both hands and embrace everything that’s wonderful about you.
You’re not separated this implies a reconciliation. Face up to the hard fact your relationship is over the sooner you can do this the sooner you allow yourself to recover physically, and emotionally.
There is little point in attributing guilty or innocent attributes to either party. Attributing blame may make you feel better for a short period of time but it doesn’t last and leads to anxiousness and stress which you will carry into every other relationship.
By avoiding these words you will reduce the emotional cost of divorce by ceasing to dwell on this life event in a negative way and instead use the experience to grow and improve the amazing person you are.