On the face of it once the word ‘divorce’ has been spoken it usually means the marriage is over and all that remains for the couple is to go through the procedure of officially ending their marriage.
However for some couples the ‘D word’ could be an opportunity to address their relationship problems and get marriage counselling. It could be the wake-up call they need to save their marriage. In some cases divorce may only have been raised by a partner who doesn’t know how to express their needs in any other way, a sort of cry for help.
For couples to engage in a meaningful way to save their marriage requires that they must first open an honest dialogue about their relationship problemsand that they are each willing to listen to the other. It may be worthwhile to try marriage counselling or use a mediator for this.
The important parts of this process are-honesty and willing to listen.
Of course it is likely that the partner not wishing to divorce will be the one who pushes to save the marriage. Often they will go to all kinds of extremes to save the relationship as they are not quite ready to give up yet. At some point it may become obvious that their partner is not as committed to the marriage and unfortunately they need to accept and come to terms with this.
When the D word is used by one part of the couple as a request then they have usually already emotionally left the relationship. In this case it is unlikely any amount of trying to rebuild/repair will mend the marriage all that remains is for the half of the relationship to catch up come to terms with and move on.
There is little point in investing any amount of emotional energy into a relationship in which one half doesn’t want to continue with. It’s far better to use that energy into healing yourself and focusing on the future. The future may not be with the one you thought it would be but you will have learned to love and know yourself better and be all the more prepared for your future happiness.